Healing My Heart: A Second Chance Single Dad Romance (Second Chance Chicago Series Book 4) Read online

  I bite the corner of my lip, considering this alternative life.

  By the time I park my car, shuffle up to my apartment, and lock the door behind me, I’ve committed to the idea.

  I’ve committed to myself.

  I’m done being pathetic, needy, desperate Charlie Adams. The girl who keeps giving her heart to the wrong guys.

  Instead, I want to be Charlie Adams, independent, fearless, badass girl boss. The woman who doesn’t need a man at all.

  Evan

  Present Day

  The sight of Ollie, my son, placing an ornament on the Christmas tree brings a smile to my face.

  I lean back in the comfortable chair in my brother’s living room and lift the bottle of beer to my lips. Taking a sip, my shoulders drop, some of the tension and stress I’ve been carrying around for what feels like eternity receding.

  “Do this one, Maddie.” Ollie lifts a snowflake ornament from the box and passes it to my three-year-old niece.

  “Ooh, it’s so sparkly,” Maddie breathes, as if the sound of her voice will disrupt the glitter. She takes it gingerly from Ollie’s hand and hangs it on the tree.

  “They’re the fucking best,” my brother Eli chuckles next to me, taking a large swig of his beer.

  “Can’t believe you’ve got another one on the way.” I glance at him.

  He shrugs but I don’t miss the way the corners of his mouth curl up.

  My little brother is really something else. He’s the person I’m most proud of in the world. A reckless teenager with a chip on his shoulder, he managed to turn his life around. He moved out to L.A., the stars aligned, and now he’s an A-list Hollywood actor with a beautiful wife, an amazing little girl, and a baby on the way. His eyes gleam, content with the certainty that is his life, as he watches our kids decorate for Christmas.

  I used to have that look in my eyes. Once upon a time when I was a happily married, new dad, the holiday season brought wonder and joy similar to when I was a kid. Even the damn snow blanketing the streets seemed magical instead of a giant pain in the ass.

  But that was before.

  Now, I’m just grateful to be Dad to the world’s most awesome kid. A boy who is growing up too fast and asking too many questions about his mom and my lack of a dating life.

  I drain my beer, an unbidden image of Charlie Adams filling my mind. If there was one woman I at least imagined a future with after Sophie left, it was Charlie.

  Long, blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a personality that outshone the sun, Charlie made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years, made me yearn for things I forgot, and made me believe in things I know better than to want. But of course, I messed that up, too.

  Our whirlwind romance ended as quickly as it began. I couldn’t commit, not the way she deserved. We broke up, endured a year of intense awkwardness every time our paths crossed, and then, she skipped town. She moved all the way to New York City for an advanced design program, and I threw myself even more into my workaholic tendencies. Most days, the only thing within my control seems to be my career, and I cling to it, even if I’m beginning to resent the long hours.

  “Who wants hot chocolate?” My sister-in-law, Zoe, who also happens to be Charlie’s best friend, pushes into the cozy living room holding a tray with steaming mugs.

  At the same time, my brother and I jump to our feet to help her. She laughs as Eli takes the tray from her hands and moves it to the coffee table.

  Ollie whoops as Maddie’s eyes grow round. “With marshmallows?” Maddie asks.

  “A whole handful,” Eli quips.

  Ollie snickers and grabs a bunch of marshmallows, dropping them into his and Maddie’s mugs. “Thanks, Aunt Zo.”

  Zoe’s expression softens as she gazes at my son. “You’re welcome. You’re getting too grown-up, Ollie.”

  Ollie blushes, ducking his head. “I’m almost eleven.”

  “Eleven?” Maddie asks. “You’re old.”

  I laugh along with Eli and Zoe, but the truth is my son is growing up too fast. A strange sensation squeezes my chest as the realization hits me. In seven years, Ollie will be heading to college, and I’ll be an empty nester. All alone in a big home that Sophie picked out and I worked countless hours to pay for. That’s all I’ll have to show for the soul-sucking grind I’ve flung myself into.

  Disappointment streaks through me. I have a great life—a life people are envious of. A well-paying job, a well-behaved son, a brother I admire.

  The fact that it doesn’t feel like enough rubs me the wrong way. Like I’m too selfish to count my blessings.

  But sometimes, I wish for more. For me and for Ollie.

  Sighing, I swallow back my frustration mixed with beer.

  “Oh!” Zoe exclaims, her eyes glued to her phone.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Eli narrows his gaze in concern, his hand flying to her belly. “Is it the baby?”

  She shakes off his touch and smiles. “Charlie landed early.”

  Charlie?

  I sit up straighter in my chair but keep my expression unreadable.

  “I thought she was coming tomorrow,” Eli says.

  “Me too.” Zoe nods, tapping out a message on her phone. “I told her to come by before she goes to her mom’s. If she heads straight home, I won’t see her for days, considering how much Mama Adams misses her baby.”

  Eli snorts and holds Maddie’s mug while she takes a gulp of hot chocolate.

  “Charlie’s coming?” My son’s face lights up, and I feel a pang of guilt slice through my stomach.

  Even though Ollie never knew what went on between Charlie and me behind closed doors, Charlie was a constant fixture in Ollie’s life before I messed it all up. As Zoe’s best friend and Maddie’s godmother, she was at every family event and weekend game night, sometimes even filling in as babysitter when I was in a bind. When I pushed Charlie away, I didn’t just shove her out of my life but out of Ollie’s life too. The fact that my son still misses her only intensifies my guilt.

  Heat rushes through me as I realize that in thirty minutes, I’m going to come face-to-face with the woman I never forgot for the first time since she moved to New York eighteen months ago.

  Eli taps his knee against mine and I glance up.

  He narrows his gaze at me, as if asking where my head is at, asking if I’m cool.

  I offer him a half-smile and dip my head to let him know I’m good. Everything is fine.

  Just because Charlie and I aren’t a thing anymore doesn’t mean I can’t be polite and cordial when we’re in the same room. We played the charade well for the year-and-a-half after we ended things and before she moved. It was easier to avoid her at a big family event than it will be tonight. But I don’t want to avoid her anymore. Especially not during the holiday season.

  Especially when she makes my son beam.

  “Merry Christmas!” Charlie waltzes through the door, and I have to physically force myself not to step toward her.

  I hang back while Zoe, Maddie, and Ollie rush her, but my mind explodes with a million memories.

  The way her blue eyes dazzle and how her hair falls around her shoulders like an angel’s halo is exactly the same. But there’s something different about her. Confidence grips her shoulders, keeping her posture erect. She has an air of maturity, of wisdom, that didn’t exist when she walked out of my life more than three years ago, and I let her go.

  I let her go.

  Charlie Adams is fucking beautiful. She always was. But the woman standing in Eli and Zoe’s foyer now is just that. A woman. A self-assured, confident, stunning woman with a smile that could grow a garden and a laugh that could tilt the Earth off its axis.

  “Merry Christmas!” Ollie exclaims, throwing his arms around her waist.

  My chest tightens as I watch her wrap her arms around Ollie, her eyes closing, her smile widening, with no hard feelings, no judgement, nothing but admiration for my son.

  My throat dries as she turns her attention t
oward our goddaughter and spins a squealing Maddie in a circle before placing her on her feet.

  Zoe wraps an arm around Charlie’s waist, and Eli presses a kiss to her cheek and she beams. Caught up in her homecoming, she gives off the same genuine energy, the same warmth, from years ago but with a sophistication that’s new.

  The Christmas lights twinkle around her, laughter rings out, and I try to get my bearings as an unexpected wave of emotion swells inside of me.

  Nostalgia.

  Charlie is home. She’s here. And it feels…right.

  “Welcome home, Charlie,” I manage to say as she glances up.

  Her gaze connects with mine, and even though her expression never slips, her eyes darken, azure like the sea.

  Energy zaps between us as she offers me a quick hug, the scent of her perfume so familiar it causes my lungs to ache. “Thanks, Ev. It’s good to be back.”

  I nod as she steps away. Ollie and Maddie overwhelm her immediately, pulling her into the living room.

  “I can’t wait to see your tree!” Charlie exclaims.

  “We have hot chocolate, too,” Maddie informs her.

  “And marshmallows,” Ollie adds, the excitement in his tone reminding me of when he was younger.

  Zoe trails after them.

  I suck in a deep breath as Eli’s hand comes down on my shoulder. “She’s back.”

  “She’s different.”

  “She grew up,” my brother explains like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You okay?”

  I nod, not voicing how not okay I am.

  Eli chuckles, muttering under his breath. He leaves me in the foyer, staring after the whirlwind I was once too scared to be swept up in. Now, all I can do is wonder how different things would be if I gave in then.

  Would I be as fulfilled as Eli? As happy as Zoe? As sure of myself as Charlie?

  Would I be the family man I always thought I’d become instead of the guy who can’t seem to get out of his own damn way?

  2

  Charlie

  My heart thuds, my stomach flutters, and a shot of adrenaline buzzes through my body.

  Evan Holt is here.

  Of course, I knew he was here the moment my taxi dropped me off in front of Zoe’s house. His black Mercedes with the tinted windows is parked in the driveway.

  But gah! I didn’t expect to have his Shamrock green eyes slam into me and steal my breath like I’m the same giddy, desperate girl from three years ago.

  Because I’m not.

  I’ve been in New York City for eighteen months, completing my master’s degree in interior design. And hell if that wasn’t like parachuting into real life.

  I learned how to navigate the complex NYC subway. I pitched ideas and design concepts to executives at top firms. I made dating apps my bitch.

  And, perhaps my most proud accomplishment to date, I ate the worm from the bottom of a tequila bottle amid loud cheering in a Mexican restaurant on the Lower East Side at two AM.

  In a year and a half, I evolved.

  But as my heart races and my palms tingle, it’s clear I haven’t grown immune to Evan’s charms. I glance at him surreptitiously, my throat drying as his presence causes anticipation to swim in my veins, mixing with old insecurities and a desire to impress him.

  He posts up against the wall in the living room, looking relaxed with a beer in hand and an easy smirk on his face. Dark jeans hug his thighs, a black cable-knit sweater wraps around his biceps, and he still defies the dad bod. Figures he would.

  “I can’t believe you came straight here.” Zoe grins at me when Maddie finishes her performance, curtseying so low I wonder if she’s going to fall.

  “After the message you sent threatening my life?” I quirk an eyebrow.

  Eli snorts.

  “Of course I came straight here. I haven’t seen you since you got pregnant,” I add, catching Maddie’s elbow before she teeters off-balance.

  Evan’s brow furrows. “You haven’t been home since before summer?”

  I shake my head.

  “The big city allure?”

  I chuckle, scrunching my toes in my thick, wool socks, to remind myself to be cool, to keep things light. “Something like that.”

  He gestures with the beer bottle in my direction. “New York City is one of a kind. But I’m sure it’s nice to be home for the holidays.” His voice is sincere but casual, easygoing. Is he not affected by my presence the way I am by his? My body feels wound too tight, my limbs locking down as I mentally berate myself to be cool.

  “Yeah,” I agree, forcing myself to relax and lean back in my chair. See, this is easy. You can do this. Evan and I are capable of being two normal adults in a social setting. Who cares if every other thought blaring in my head is of him naked? I’m not acting on it. “My mom is so happy I’m back. I’ve really missed her.”

  “Oh I bet.” Zoe squeezes my hand. “Marianne’s been baking Christmas cookies around the clock. She watched Maddie last week and sent her home with two tins.”

  I laugh, rolling my eyes. “My mom adores Maddie.”

  “Still on your case about grandkids?” Eli teases me.

  “God, yes! After she met Maddie? Come on, it’s all she talks about. Especially since Drew is probably never going to settle down. Hell, he’s probably never going to stop deploying.” I grin at the mention of my brother, a badass Navy Seal who I haven’t seen in two years since he’s always in some faraway place. “And after —” I bite my tongue, my eyes darting to Evan. How much does he know about my past? I never told him about my ex-fiancé.

  Curiosity sparks in his gaze as he leans closer to where I’m sitting.

  I clear my throat, shrugging one shoulder at Eli. “You know how moms can be.”

  “Yeah,” he agrees, glancing at Maddie and Ollie as they add more ornaments to the tree.

  Out of my peripheral vision, I note Evan’s frown. He’s interested. Is it for the sake of the conversation or because he’s wondering about my life, about me? My skin prickles under his attention, an awareness spreading through my limbs. God, how does he still get under my skin? Even halfway across the room, my body feels pulled to his, my thoughts centered on him.

  Maybe it’s because he’s nearly nine years older than me. Maybe it’s because he’s so damn successful. Maybe it’s because the sight of him knocks the breath from my lungs. Whatever it is, I’ve always struggled to play it cool in Evan’s presence.

  I sigh, turning my attention back to Zoe who gives me a sympathetic smile. “How long are you home for?” she asks.

  “At least a month, maybe longer, depending on how my interviews go.”

  Zoe grins, her eyes flashing. “I’m so proud of you, Charlie. I know you’re going to land your dream job. How could you not with that portfolio?”

  I blush from her praise, fully aware that Evan is listening to each word Zoe says. I showed her my final portfolio last week and reveled in her approval.

  “We’ll see. But I do have enough time to help you create the perfect nursery to welcome this little peanut home.” I place my palm on Zoe’s belly and her smile widens.

  Eli groans, probably remembering the time and cost Zoe and I put into designing Maddie’s nursery.

  We all ignore him. Standing, I tip my head toward the kitchen. “I’m just going to grab a water.”

  “Oh my God, I didn’t even offer you a drink!” Zoe exclaims.

  “That’s because you were too distracted admiring these new highlights.” I flip my hair dramatically and point to my ass. “And being impressed that my ass still fits in these jeans.”

  Eli snickers as Zoe laughs. “I’ve really missed you.” She struggles to stand. “Let me grab you a water.”

  “Stop.” I give her an incredulous look as Eli wraps his hand around her wrist and tugs her back down to the sofa. “Don’t be ridiculous.” I move toward the kitchen. “I know where everything is and I never want to be treated as a guest in this house,” I call over my shoulder.


  Entering Zoe’s kitchen brings a smile to my lips. She recruited me, the same way her dad and Eli did when renovating Shooters Pub, to help in every aspect of her kitchen design. Gleaming quartz countertops, exposed brick, and a ten-foot island, this kitchen is worthy of a magazine.

  I head toward the glass cabinet and pull one down.

  “It’s good to see you again,” Evan says from behind me.

  I’m so flustered by his stealthy approach that I nearly drop the glass.

  In the next moment, he’s so close I can feel his breath fan across the back of my neck. He takes the glass firmly from my fumbling fingers. His other hand wraps around my hip to keep me steady. I flush under his touch before my limbs lock down, a ribbon of anger at my body’s response to his proximity flaring through me.

  As my past collides with my present, I feel suspended in time.

  I close my eyes, effectively pinned between the countertop and Evan’s strong chest. Hanging my head, I inhale, fighting the urge to drop my head back against his shoulder and let him wrap his arms around me.

  But I know better than to do that. Sure, my body melts into his like an ice cream cone in summer, craves his like a drought begs for rain, and every cliché you can think of. But I know it’s just attraction, lust.

  A memory of what was.

  There’s nothing real between us. He made sure of that. I practically gave myself to him with the fiery heat of a thousand suns, and he never let his guard down. He never let me grow closer. He never gave me an inch.

  Still, my mouth waters from the familiar scent of his cologne. The back of my neck tingles from the warmth of his breath. My body tightens in anticipation, every cell in my being humming with desire. Since Evan, none of the men I’ve been with, not a single one, managed to make me feel like this. This man knows exactly which buttons to push, which threads to pull, to turn me inside out and light me up like a firecracker. And my poor, needy, desperate body has no choice but to respond.